...so long, in fact, that I forgot my blogger account information! I have taken a long, long hiatus from blogging. In short, a lot of life happened. Instead of boring you with paragraphs of detailed information that you'll skim anyway (because that's what I would do), I'm just going to hop right back in.
What's on my mind tonight: abundance. This past year, the driving force behind everything I've sought after and fought for is this nagging, unyielding belief that God wants more for me. I'm not talking about circumstances. There is no magical formula of what I do and do not have that will make me any more or less satisfied. Nope. No job, pair of leather boots, cup of coffee, relationship, car, or checkbook balance will bring me satisfaction. On the contrary: those desires only point to something much, much, MUCH bigger that I want. It is an echo, a shadow, of what my heart is truly longing after.
Him.
Jesus.
What a simple answer amidst a complicated wilderness; but it is the only answer that has turned that nagging desire in my head into something calm, full of strength, and peaceful. It has brought in the belief that God indeed works everything for the good of those who love Him. It has brought in the full assurance that the answer to what drives us really boils down to this: we need Him. We long for something much bigger than anything we will ever find in this world. And He will call to us, continually, consistently, every day, in every thought, because He longs to bring us home.
He is the abundance that we need. It's in his nature. He's not just "enough," he is more than we could ever dream to ask for. When we see God for who he really is, "we realize we are more wicked than we ever dared imagine, but more loved than we ever dared hope." (Tim Keller).
Do I sometimes fall back into thoughts that are full of fears and doubts? Yep. But instead of looking back, I'm trying to focus on the fact that He pulls me towards thoughts focused on his goodness and grace. It's a process, that's for sure, but the point isn't how long it takes; the point is that we're walking in the ever-increasing knowledge of what the Gospel really means.
