to have hope

What does it mean to have hope?

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:30-31

There's a promise in there: those who hope in the Lord will be renewed, strengthed, immovable. It didn't say: if you grit your teeth and just try really really hard to be better, you'll be stronger. Or, my personal favorite: if you have one more thermos of coffee, you'll be able to get through the day. I've been thinking about this verse all day. What am I hoping in the Lord for, exactly? Am I even hoping in the Lord? Am I hoping for the right things?

If I could pin it down as of late, I'm hoping that life won't be too hard and that God will bust open the heavens, plop down next to me in a coffee shop, hand over a roadmap for my life, and throw in a guarantee that life will go according to [my] plan. I'm hoping that God will take away certain parts of me, because then life would be easier if I could only "be like this person." I'm a feeler. I process everything on a feeling level and I view the world in the same way. I've been reluctantly coming to terms with that recently. Instead of trying to change that part of myself, I'm learning how to believe that it is a strength and not a sign of weakness. God made me that way. Who am I to say he did it wrong? I'm hoping that this tough stage will be over with soon. Transition is hard. It's not what I expected. Making new friends is hard. Paying the bills is hard. Working full time is hard. My dad laughs at me when I update him and my mom about my endeavors during our Wednesday night dinners. He goes, "Jill, the Lord is just hammering the iron." Then he chuckles heartily and takes another bite of pot roast.

I'm also hoping that God will speak to me, that he will show me where to step, that I will feel his reassurance and love more and more everyday. I'm hoping that the Lord is teaching me some big things during this time. I'm hoping that these life experiences will continually reveal to me how much I need God and need to be loved by Him. I'm hoping and believing that I will find my identity in his grace - and not anywhere else.

I'm glad he's got it together, because there are days I am a hot mess - amen!