Do you ever have one of those weeks where every day is one of those days? Where you knock your funnybone on the wall? Forget to completely wash out the shampoo in your hair? Miss the 10-second window when your toast is still hot enough to melt the peanut butter just right (due to said shampoo situation)? That's me this week. It's the last week of school and I am pathetically trying to push through to the end. If you looked up "burnt-out" in the dictionary, you'd find a photo of me. Guaranteed.
As of right now, I'm taking a quick reprieve from grading research papers and paperwork. To which I should return.
In Him we live and move and breathe and have our being, and in him I can grade, focus, and finish well (but only in Him).
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
ringing in the weekend
Trader Joe's grub? Check.
Leggings on? Check.
Vino? Check.
Cheesy girly movie (Time Traveler's Wife)? Check.
Bike ride? About to commence.
This is one of the joys of being a twentysomething. You can do whatever you darn well want to on a Friday night. My bathroom mirror is splattered with toothpaste, we are down to one toilet paper roll (4-squares rationing...) and I haven't seen the middle seat in my car for a couple weeks now. And do you know what? Do you really want to know what?
I really don't care.
This girl's taking her bad self outside to bike and soak in the last of the Friday sunshine.
Leggings on? Check.
Vino? Check.
Cheesy girly movie (Time Traveler's Wife)? Check.
Bike ride? About to commence.
This is one of the joys of being a twentysomething. You can do whatever you darn well want to on a Friday night. My bathroom mirror is splattered with toothpaste, we are down to one toilet paper roll (4-squares rationing...) and I haven't seen the middle seat in my car for a couple weeks now. And do you know what? Do you really want to know what?
I really don't care.
This girl's taking her bad self outside to bike and soak in the last of the Friday sunshine.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
to have hope
What does it mean to have hope?
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:30-31
There's a promise in there: those who hope in the Lord will be renewed, strengthed, immovable. It didn't say: if you grit your teeth and just try really really hard to be better, you'll be stronger. Or, my personal favorite: if you have one more thermos of coffee, you'll be able to get through the day. I've been thinking about this verse all day. What am I hoping in the Lord for, exactly? Am I even hoping in the Lord? Am I hoping for the right things?
If I could pin it down as of late, I'm hoping that life won't be too hard and that God will bust open the heavens, plop down next to me in a coffee shop, hand over a roadmap for my life, and throw in a guarantee that life will go according to [my] plan. I'm hoping that God will take away certain parts of me, because then life would be easier if I could only "be like this person." I'm a feeler. I process everything on a feeling level and I view the world in the same way. I've been reluctantly coming to terms with that recently. Instead of trying to change that part of myself, I'm learning how to believe that it is a strength and not a sign of weakness. God made me that way. Who am I to say he did it wrong? I'm hoping that this tough stage will be over with soon. Transition is hard. It's not what I expected. Making new friends is hard. Paying the bills is hard. Working full time is hard. My dad laughs at me when I update him and my mom about my endeavors during our Wednesday night dinners. He goes, "Jill, the Lord is just hammering the iron." Then he chuckles heartily and takes another bite of pot roast.
I'm also hoping that God will speak to me, that he will show me where to step, that I will feel his reassurance and love more and more everyday. I'm hoping that the Lord is teaching me some big things during this time. I'm hoping that these life experiences will continually reveal to me how much I need God and need to be loved by Him. I'm hoping and believing that I will find my identity in his grace - and not anywhere else.
I'm glad he's got it together, because there are days I am a hot mess - amen!
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:30-31
There's a promise in there: those who hope in the Lord will be renewed, strengthed, immovable. It didn't say: if you grit your teeth and just try really really hard to be better, you'll be stronger. Or, my personal favorite: if you have one more thermos of coffee, you'll be able to get through the day. I've been thinking about this verse all day. What am I hoping in the Lord for, exactly? Am I even hoping in the Lord? Am I hoping for the right things?
If I could pin it down as of late, I'm hoping that life won't be too hard and that God will bust open the heavens, plop down next to me in a coffee shop, hand over a roadmap for my life, and throw in a guarantee that life will go according to [my] plan. I'm hoping that God will take away certain parts of me, because then life would be easier if I could only "be like this person." I'm a feeler. I process everything on a feeling level and I view the world in the same way. I've been reluctantly coming to terms with that recently. Instead of trying to change that part of myself, I'm learning how to believe that it is a strength and not a sign of weakness. God made me that way. Who am I to say he did it wrong? I'm hoping that this tough stage will be over with soon. Transition is hard. It's not what I expected. Making new friends is hard. Paying the bills is hard. Working full time is hard. My dad laughs at me when I update him and my mom about my endeavors during our Wednesday night dinners. He goes, "Jill, the Lord is just hammering the iron." Then he chuckles heartily and takes another bite of pot roast.
I'm also hoping that God will speak to me, that he will show me where to step, that I will feel his reassurance and love more and more everyday. I'm hoping that the Lord is teaching me some big things during this time. I'm hoping that these life experiences will continually reveal to me how much I need God and need to be loved by Him. I'm hoping and believing that I will find my identity in his grace - and not anywhere else.
I'm glad he's got it together, because there are days I am a hot mess - amen!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
party in the C-R-V
Yesterday I shamelessly listened to 94.5 on the way to school. That catchy Miley Cyrus song was on... somethin somethin... "they're playin my song, and the butterflies fly away... party in the U-S-A!" Naturally, I had it cranked up. And naturally, the principal witnessed the entire thing.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
the big 2-3
Tomorrow I am twenty-three years old. My twenty second year was a time of huge growth and change. I lived in 5 different residences within one year, for example - State Street, North Myrtle, my parents' house, 3rd avenue, and now St. Paul. I worked in a video store, at a McDonald's in the deep South, directed a play, and student taught. I went on an adventure to North Myrtle Beach and I'll never forget a day of that summer. I began teaching at Lakeville one week after student teaching ended - whew! God knew I would deal with the adjustment of the real world much better with less time on my hands to think. That's how he operates with me, it seems. He throws me right in - and shows me how to trust him. Trial by fire.
My twenty second year brought change, challenges, seasons of being pushed and stretched. If I could sum it up thematically, it would be, "God throws Jill into a million different situations and shows her the only stable thing in this world is the Lord." My twenty third year brings me the chance to take root. I've got a job and an apartment (and a wonderful roommate, I might add). The trick now will be to take the initiative to keep growing and learning.
I'll never forget a Christmas card from my Grandma Morreim a couple of years ago. She wrote, "Just think, this year brings a whole new world of possibilities to my youngest granddaughter!"
It's just as true today as it was then.
Bring it on, 23. Let's see what you've got.
My twenty second year brought change, challenges, seasons of being pushed and stretched. If I could sum it up thematically, it would be, "God throws Jill into a million different situations and shows her the only stable thing in this world is the Lord." My twenty third year brings me the chance to take root. I've got a job and an apartment (and a wonderful roommate, I might add). The trick now will be to take the initiative to keep growing and learning.
I'll never forget a Christmas card from my Grandma Morreim a couple of years ago. She wrote, "Just think, this year brings a whole new world of possibilities to my youngest granddaughter!"
It's just as true today as it was then.
Bring it on, 23. Let's see what you've got.
Friday, May 21, 2010
to be fully yourself
My favorite moments of the day are when my kids let go of the feeling that they are being watched and scrutinized and for a brief period of time, carry a "screw it, I don't care WHAT anyone thinks!" persona about them. This does not happen intentionally for my kids, or very often. It sneaks up on them and ever so gently lifts off the burden of the world that hangs on their shoulders, carries the weight for a bit, lets them breathe. But when it does, I look at them and think: there you are.
What makes you let go? What allows you to live out your design? I find it in a few places. Teaching, for one. I find my rhythm and get on a roll and on the spot think of ways to teach something - I love it when that happens. I love to watch my kids learn something, watch them turn in their rough draft of their research papers so proud that they made it 8 pages - something about that brings me alive. Hearing one of my Goals kids say that hadn't read a book since 5th grade until they were in my class, and they actually liked reading it - I lived on that encouragement for days. Talking with people, meeting new people, hearing about their wounds, scars, successes, hopes - that energizes me. Bike rides, taking pictures, listening to Talking Heads, finding a shirt for $3, writing, being outside, going for drives in my car spontaneously. Decorating. Making my first pot roast. Giggling with my 8th grade girls about someone farting during church. Having a glass of wine.
It seems fitting to put that list to the tune of "These are a few of my favorite things," but I hate The Sound of Music, and I don't think Julie Andrews would sing about farting.
What makes you let go? What allows you to live out your design? I find it in a few places. Teaching, for one. I find my rhythm and get on a roll and on the spot think of ways to teach something - I love it when that happens. I love to watch my kids learn something, watch them turn in their rough draft of their research papers so proud that they made it 8 pages - something about that brings me alive. Hearing one of my Goals kids say that hadn't read a book since 5th grade until they were in my class, and they actually liked reading it - I lived on that encouragement for days. Talking with people, meeting new people, hearing about their wounds, scars, successes, hopes - that energizes me. Bike rides, taking pictures, listening to Talking Heads, finding a shirt for $3, writing, being outside, going for drives in my car spontaneously. Decorating. Making my first pot roast. Giggling with my 8th grade girls about someone farting during church. Having a glass of wine.
It seems fitting to put that list to the tune of "These are a few of my favorite things," but I hate The Sound of Music, and I don't think Julie Andrews would sing about farting.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
ka-put
I have kicked all of my ambition out the door. We got in a fight. Ambition was saying I should grade those papers that have taken up residence on my desk for two weeks and search a little harder for those vocab quizzes that I suddenly cannot find. In return, I told ambition that I've had enough of being a productive and valued citizen, thank you very much, and I would rather relinquish all my brainpower to getting a suntan instead. All the while my comments to my students have grown sassier, "I'm sorry for the emotional trauma that is being caused by my giving you a ten-minute homework assignment, but send me the therapist's bill. It's a risk I'll take."
Honestly, where did those quizzes go? They just took them on Monday. This is terrible.
I figured something out. When my college professors told me to always give my students a "why," I was living in the land of idealism. Yes, I thought, I will always explain to my students succinctly and beautifully why they are learning how to properly use a semicolon and how it will enhance their lives. Then, at the end of each week, we will hold hands and join together in a song about the greatness that is Academic Writing. Now I have seen the light: When I tell them why, it gives them reason to question everything I do.
Let me illustrate:
Students: "Miss Morreim, we haaate reading day, why do we have to read? This is soooo lame. Mr. Hanson's class gets to go outside. Why can't weeee go outside?"
Me: "Reading improves your vocabulary and research shows that it improves your writing skills more than any other activity."
Students: "whinewhinewhine"
A better response:
Students: "Miss Morreim, whine whine whine whine whine?"
Me: "Because I said so. Deal with it."
Students: (in desks, reading quietly).
How did those quizzes disappear? I'm losing it...
Honestly, where did those quizzes go? They just took them on Monday. This is terrible.
I figured something out. When my college professors told me to always give my students a "why," I was living in the land of idealism. Yes, I thought, I will always explain to my students succinctly and beautifully why they are learning how to properly use a semicolon and how it will enhance their lives. Then, at the end of each week, we will hold hands and join together in a song about the greatness that is Academic Writing. Now I have seen the light: When I tell them why, it gives them reason to question everything I do.
Let me illustrate:
Students: "Miss Morreim, we haaate reading day, why do we have to read? This is soooo lame. Mr. Hanson's class gets to go outside. Why can't weeee go outside?"
Me: "Reading improves your vocabulary and research shows that it improves your writing skills more than any other activity."
Students: "whinewhinewhine"
A better response:
Students: "Miss Morreim, whine whine whine whine whine?"
Me: "Because I said so. Deal with it."
Students: (in desks, reading quietly).
How did those quizzes disappear? I'm losing it...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Needed: spring break and a cat poster
I am more antsy for spring break to get here than my kids! My motivation is low, people. I'm talking LOW. I want to get all my stuff done before break so I can relax, move in, paint, nest, explore. If anyone has ideas about how to keep my motivation levels up when I'm more interested in the burn on my ear from curling my hair than the stack of informative papers piled before me, let me know. I need a pep talk.
Today one of my Goals kids was inspecting the posters in my room.
"Miss M, do you have one of those cat posters? You know what I mean - the ones that have the cat hanging by a branch and it says, 'hang in there'?"
"No, I don't."
"You don't? Every teacher has those."
"I guess I'm not an official teacher until I have one, huh?"
"Don't worry about it, I'll steal you one tomorrow."
"No, don't take one from ano-"
"Miss M, I said don't worry about it, I'll get you one. You need one."
"But you can't just take one from-"
"Miss M. You NEED a cat poster."
"But-"
"I'm serious."
"Alright, fine. Just don't tell me who you stole it from."
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...
Today one of my Goals kids was inspecting the posters in my room.
"Miss M, do you have one of those cat posters? You know what I mean - the ones that have the cat hanging by a branch and it says, 'hang in there'?"
"No, I don't."
"You don't? Every teacher has those."
"I guess I'm not an official teacher until I have one, huh?"
"Don't worry about it, I'll steal you one tomorrow."
"No, don't take one from ano-"
"Miss M, I said don't worry about it, I'll get you one. You need one."
"But you can't just take one from-"
"Miss M. You NEED a cat poster."
"But-"
"I'm serious."
"Alright, fine. Just don't tell me who you stole it from."
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
drawing a line
I'd like to think that I do not let my students' lives or problems impact me, but they do. It does carry over into my life, and I am still discerning at what point it is good, and at what point I need to draw an emotional line. Last night I couldn't sleep because I am worried about a couple of my kids. I also woke up dreaming about a nightmarish episode about my kids writing their works cited - nothing was alphabetized or spaced correctly. It was terrible.
Frankly, I kind of don't care if sometimes I can't sleep because I am concerned about students. It is what it is, and I can't figure out how to shut it off anyways.
Frankly, I kind of don't care if sometimes I can't sleep because I am concerned about students. It is what it is, and I can't figure out how to shut it off anyways.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
thankful
I am thankful for, in no particular order:
bike rides
sunshine
levi's
my squirrely creative writing kids
my new nickname - "Miss Morqueesha"
dixon ticonderoga #2 pencils
nutella
honest friends
a paycheck
Betty the drive-thru lady
the moldy grass smell in spring
turkey sandwiches
a boyfriend who likes turkey sandwiches too
driving & listening to the rain
my crazy 8th grade confirmation girls
miss zimanske
the cold side of the pillow
grandma's quilts
my church
knowing all the songs on the radio in the morning
grace
"But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones." Isaiah 30:18
bike rides
sunshine
levi's
my squirrely creative writing kids
my new nickname - "Miss Morqueesha"
dixon ticonderoga #2 pencils
nutella
honest friends
a paycheck
Betty the drive-thru lady
the moldy grass smell in spring
turkey sandwiches
a boyfriend who likes turkey sandwiches too
driving & listening to the rain
my crazy 8th grade confirmation girls
miss zimanske
the cold side of the pillow
grandma's quilts
my church
knowing all the songs on the radio in the morning
grace
"But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones." Isaiah 30:18
Thursday, March 11, 2010
"I love you"
My niece said "I love you" to me last night on the phone. It was more like "lash ew," but still. Oh, my heart... :)
My parents are in Las Vegas until Sunday, which means I am in command of the dog. Correction: the dog is in command of me. Three times last night he woke me up, either barking at me to fill up the bathrub with water so he could get a drink (long story) or growling to let him go pee outside, a side effect of the said bathtub situation. Then, at 5:53am this morning, I woke up to him sleeping on my head and was introduced to another level of his snoring I didn't think was possible.
On April 1st, I am officially an adult. Christa and I found an apartment on Grand Ave! It's cute - wood floors, nice windows, teeeeny kitchen, charming bathroom. Ooo, and a parking spot to boot (hard to come across).
Jill comes to visit this weekend! Wahoo! And tonight, Lance and I are having dinner with Molly, Matt & Sarah (who are in town visiting from Chicago). AND, next week my dear friend Kirsten from summer project comes to visit for a night! I am looking forward to spending time with my friends!
My parents are in Las Vegas until Sunday, which means I am in command of the dog. Correction: the dog is in command of me. Three times last night he woke me up, either barking at me to fill up the bathrub with water so he could get a drink (long story) or growling to let him go pee outside, a side effect of the said bathtub situation. Then, at 5:53am this morning, I woke up to him sleeping on my head and was introduced to another level of his snoring I didn't think was possible.
On April 1st, I am officially an adult. Christa and I found an apartment on Grand Ave! It's cute - wood floors, nice windows, teeeeny kitchen, charming bathroom. Ooo, and a parking spot to boot (hard to come across).
Jill comes to visit this weekend! Wahoo! And tonight, Lance and I are having dinner with Molly, Matt & Sarah (who are in town visiting from Chicago). AND, next week my dear friend Kirsten from summer project comes to visit for a night! I am looking forward to spending time with my friends!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
belated valentine's day poem
Looking through poems this morning, thought this was pretty funny...
IF YOU FEEL SORRY
by Ted Kooser
If you feel sorry for yourself
this Valentine's Day, think of
the dozens of little paper poppies
left in the box when the last
of the candy is gone, how they
must feel, dried out and brown
in their sad old heart-shaped box,
without so much as a single finger
to scrabble around in their
crinkled petals, not even
one pimpled nose to root and snort
through their delicate pot pourri.
So before you make too much
of being neglected, I want you
to think how they feel.
IF YOU FEEL SORRY
by Ted Kooser
If you feel sorry for yourself
this Valentine's Day, think of
the dozens of little paper poppies
left in the box when the last
of the candy is gone, how they
must feel, dried out and brown
in their sad old heart-shaped box,
without so much as a single finger
to scrabble around in their
crinkled petals, not even
one pimpled nose to root and snort
through their delicate pot pourri.
So before you make too much
of being neglected, I want you
to think how they feel.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
my saturday evening
This is me right now: leggings tucked into my socks, unwashed hair, wearing a brand-new Gap sweater found at Savers this morning ($4, thank you, tags were still on it), Harley sleeping on my lap, glass of wine in hand, lesson plans on the table, John Mayer playing, cooking steak & brussel sprouts.
Bliss...
Bliss...
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